losing motivation?

Ugh, losing motivation, one of life’s struggles.

I hate it, but in all reality, I inflict it on myself. You see, I am not one to stick around on many things forever. I get bored of hobbies and move on.
Now looking back at what I said, I’d be a terrible lover.

So, you know that feeling, that sense of euphoria when you start a project? Like, writing a little story, starting a blog (hehe check out my first blog post for why I even started a blog okay bYE), or a creative hobby you love whether it’s writing, art, I don’t know!

You start doing it as much as you can, it’s like a temporary drug (but not as addictive), accept when you take excessive amounts, quality abates, and you don’t find it as fun as you used to.

It might take a while, it might not, but I always doubt myself on why I even started this project, why I do this or that… blah, blah, blah. Off topic, but as I’m writing this, these winds I’m hearing out my window is freaking insane. Now back on topic!

When it comes to writing, I sometimes I feel as if I can’t add variety or that “Midori touch” to my papers. And then when it’s the time to reflect and proofread my work, I realized I didn’t make it as good as I wanted it to be. When I edit, it’s still crap. In that very moment is when I lose my motivation. That motivation, that little voice in my head that tells me to keep pushing, depletes until I can no longer hear it and that motivation withers away.

But I want to push myself, and I think I’m getting there. I have planned out my source of motivation and all that good jazz for next week. Hopefully, I’ll fulfill my wishes of productivity. Next week, I’ll not only force myself to get all my schoolwork done, but my extra activities outside from school as well.

Now writing this, I have an epiphany!

I want to be a writer. And technically, I am a writer since I write creatively. The problem is, I lack in heart. It’s because I never set time for writing! Um, hello? It’s supposed to be my passion, my hobby? It’s not really my hobby if I don’t do it often. And when I do decide to work on a piece of writing, I am in the zone. I’m in my own little floating world where there’s no such thing as time.

To improve, I need to practice. You know the overused saying, “practice makes perfect.” Although perfection has many interpretations, practice definitely will take me on a trip to the moon.

So next Saturday, I hope I can upload a post I’ve pushed aside so many times to the point where it’s on the edge of the cliff, one I hope I can get right and post because I really like the meaning and I aspire to get it near where I want it to be. I can guarantee it won’t be perfect, but know it’ll have my blood, sweat, and tears. I apologize in advance if it’s a bit short, it’s a poem so…

Speaking of which, have any of you listen to blood, sweat, and tears by BTS? Sorry, I like KPOP a lot. I’ll leave now. Oh, and another thing, I’m uploading another post because if I post it in May it’ll be pointless. Okay, now I’m leaving, bye! ❤

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